Hey man, everyone starts at some point. This isn't a bad first try. What programs are you using? You might want to check your levels before you submit next time. I'm giving this 4 stars because you have solid thematic material. That's essentially it. The harmonies are lacking somewhat and the tones of the instruments themselves are actually quite unpleasant to listen to. Having said that there is some potential here and I think you'd do well if you got new music software or at least mastered what you have now. Better luck next time and all the best champ.